Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this will be a night to untag.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
