They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
