I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
