brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
