Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
