Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
