Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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