I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
