so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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