He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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