Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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