That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
