Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was born a porn star she said
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize