Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
