The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize