My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
