I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
