what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
