i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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