I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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