I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
