are you still at the devil's house?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
