i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
