guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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