We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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