3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
