Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
