By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
