Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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