Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
