omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
