Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
