the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
