she looked like the before picture.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
