I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
