can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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