Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
