I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
two words: eviction party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
