ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
