He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
