So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
