You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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