Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
