quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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