I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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