when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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