i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
