Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
