Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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