If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
