I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
