Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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