By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
