im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
