Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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