you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
