Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
