Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
