oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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