Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She said her name was "party"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
