just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
