just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
