I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
