I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
