If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
