Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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