Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
