I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
