I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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