they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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