Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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