I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
