i permit you to call me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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