I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my sisters under your porch take her home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
