so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
