i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
