'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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