can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
