even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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