I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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