i think my tv is drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
