JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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