it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
