A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
