When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
