:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
