omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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